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Register for our Crucial Conversations® seminars
If you're like most people, scarcely a day passes that you don't face a crucial conversation. You know the type-stakes are high, opinions vary, and emotions run strong. Perhaps you're about to talk to a semi-hostile direct report about a performance problem. Gulp. Maybe you need to talk to your boss about purposely withholding valuable information from you. That should be a fun little chat. Maybe you've decided to sit down with your in-laws to discuss all of those unannounced and lengthy visits. Maybe not.
Unfortunately, if you're like most of us, when it matters most you're typically on your worst behavior. That's because when it comes to crucial conversations, we're designed exactly wrong. When our emotions kick in, we're genetically programmed to fight or to take flight-not to skillfully hold complex human interactions.
As discussions heat up, our bodies dutifully (and without consulting our brains) pump out adrenaline. Soon our breathing picks up, our vision narrows, and our blood flows to our limbs and away from our brains. Great-at the very moment when we need to be on our best behavior, we're operating with the same cognitive tools available to a rhesus monkey.
It's little wonder that as we're walking away from a heated discussion we often mumble to ourselves: "What was I thinking?" You know what we're talking about. Your spouse isn't affectionate enough so you try your best influence strategy: you give him or her the cold shoulder. That should really help. A coworker subtly harasses you and you scorch him with a tubful of scathing sarcasm. Now there's a tool that'll get you that next promotion.
But all this can change. Twenty-five years of research with over 20,000 people has shown how to turn crucial conversations into experiences that produce strong results and build relationships. By studying people who know what to say, when to say it, and how to deliver the words in a way that actually gets heard without creating defensiveness-we now know exactly what it takes to master crucial conversations.
Are you facing a Crucial Conversation?
