Whenever I discuss my perspective on this subject with others, it stimulates "but what about" questions. "But what about the holocaust?" "But what about Cambodia in the 70s?" You get the idea.

 

My retort to those people is always the same; their reaction to my retort is always the same; the ensuing discussion is always the same. An abbreviated version goes something like this:

 

Them: "So Rand. You take a dim view of victim-hood. Aren't there extreme examples in which people are really victimized?"

 

Me: "Look. Of course the recipients of torture and genocide are victimized. On a less destructive level, every person gets taken advantage of at one time or another. There is a huge difference, however, in being the recipient of treatment intended to victimize, on the one hand, and regarding one's self as a victim, on the other."

 

Them: "I don’t get it."

 

Me: "Some people … MANY people marinate in a cauldron of psychic dysfunction. They whine about the way the world is. They complain about how 'put-upon' they are, by others. They continuously, boringly and irritatingly place the blame for their circumstances on everyone but themselves, and at some level, they like it! Here's what they say: 'I can’t get promoted because my boss is a jerk; my parents didn't love me, so naturally I have no self-esteem; if that bartender hadn't served me that tenth drink, I wouldn't have hit that school bus; if the burger joint would only cut out the trans fats, I wouldn't weigh 400 pounds; my business wouldn't have gone bankrupt if it hadn't been for (fill in the blank with one of these or choose your own similar answer: regulation, competition, legislation, prices, Bangaloor, third-world slave-shops, recessions, expansions, sinus headaches, male pattern baldness, the full moon).'"

 

While there may be an element of truth in some of those assertions, these people lay (and re-lay and re-lay) the foundation for living as victims. Here's what happens: First, by defining themselves as victims, they automatically imply that someone or something else has imprisoned them. So, it only follows that they cannot escape from that prison; they must wait until they are freed by that someone or something else.

 

What an elegant scam!!! They can stay stuck where they are forever without taking action because in their minds, action would be fruitless. Then they can complain forever as their (so-called) victimizer does nothing to relieve their misery.

 

Second, they imply that their misery makes them unique. My response to that: "C'mon! Every human being has to deal with 'stuff.' It’s not your 'stuff' that determines your success. Everybody has 'stuff.' It’s what you do about it that determines your success. Get over yourself!”

 

Third, many victims are on a recruiting mission. They want to geometrically increase the membership of their two clubs: The Loyal Order of Irritating, Recreational Whining Victims of America and its sister organization The Submissive, Indulgent Enablers of the Loyal Order of Irritating, Recreational Whining Victims of America. The former group retains the services of a slew of personal injury lawyers, ready to extract large sums of money from those they believe are to blame for their malaise: everyone but them. Members of the latter group (which is the farm team for the first group) listen and bob their heads in agreement as the whiney victims do their whiney thing. Both clubs meet at water coolers and in rest rooms of America's leading companies and institutions.

 

So, here’s the bottom line: Whiners and victims are psychic vampires. They will suck the life out of any room they enter and suck the energy out of the people in it! Stay as far away as possible from these people. Instead, seek out members of the I am Responsible and Accountable for Everything in My Life Association.

 

Their motto: “No excuses, ever!”

 

I am not implying that we can all control all of the outcomes in our lives. I do believe the following without equivocation:

 

• Most people can influence their outcomes to a far greater degree than they do.

 

• Personal accountability stimulates better planning and execution — in  business and in all the other arenas of life. It also stimulates reflection in the aftermath of life's events that leads to the development of wisdom — a prerequisite for learning from experience.

 

• Blame, excuses and victim-hood are toxic and diversionary.

 

Remember this: What you think about, believe about, feel about and act about, comes about! I call it (in baseball parlance) the "four-bagger." It’s true in all aspects of life. If you dwell on the inherent unfairness of the universe and how you have gotten a bad deal, get a check-up from the neck-up! The reason: You cannot be or become successful and fulfilled if you blame anyone or anything for your circumstances – ever!

 Using Change to Add Value to Your Life and Business
by Mark Akerley

Like it or not, change is a huge part of your business. Technology, society, commerce and industry are all changing at unprecedented rates. There’s more of it, it happens faster and it's increasingly complex. And it all affects you directly or indirectly.

 

The bad news is that keeping up with change can be a daunting task. The even worse news, the ugly, is that resisting change zaps you of your energy – your personal fuel – that you should be focusing elsewhere more productively. However, the good news is that change can really be used as a tool to add value to your business. Here are three tips for doing so.

 

1. Laugh when it hurts. It's essential for every business owner to have a good sense of humor. There's just too much that can go wrong, and occasionally will go wrong, to get "bent out of shape." Being bent out of shape really means losing focus on what's important to you – your dreams, goals, strategies and objectives. Don't let that happen to you. Laugh it off, find the humor in the situation (we humans really are a funny lot!), refuse to play the blame game and tap into your creative genes to solve the problem or find another opportunity.

 

It's a proven fact that laughter stimulates creativity – which in turn leads to the creation of alternatives and solutions – something every business owner wants and needs. So the next time you encounter a snafu in your plans and you're not sure if you should laugh or cry, choose to laugh. You'll definitely get through the snafu and find a solution as well.

 

2. Network like crazy. Regardless of the type, change is led by people. People tend to put their own spin on change – they speed it up, slow it down and sometimes mess it up – but most importantly, they make it happen. To stay abreast of the change curve, network like crazy. That means getting out and talking with as many people as you can about what's going on in their lives and businesses, how they're addressing new challenges and opportunities, and what they're doing to be successful. While you're at it, be sure to ask for feedback as well. Most people will be happy to answer your questions, and they'll even feel flattered when you ask. Set a personal goal of connecting with 5, 10 or even 20 people per month, and you'll be surprised at what you will learn that you can apply to your business.

 

3. Challenge your assumptions. Highly successful people will tell you that their greatest learning experiences came from failure: failure to take off their blinders and consider alternatives and failure to listen to what their changing environment was telling them. Hard lessons are often paid for in loss of revenues, opportunities and, sometimes, colleagues and friends. You don't have to learn the hard way. Challenging your assumptions about your strategy, tactics and pressing challenges can open up possibilities to confront the change that is occurring in and around your business. Ask a few key questions, a couple times per year, of valued colleagues. The key questions are quite simple and yet revealing:

1) Is there another way to do this?

2) Is there a better way to do this? 

3) Is my way really the best way?

Maybe you'll find a better way, maybe not. But by opening your mind to new possibilities, you'll add even more creativity, and value, to your goals and objectives.

Yes, change is everywhere and it's inevitable. Choose to be a winner; laugh when it hurts; challenge your assumptions; and network like crazy. If you do, you’ll create more value for yourself and your business.