I was on an elevator in the corporate office of one of my large clients riding from the top floor to the ground level. On the way down, we stopped on the ninth floor to pick up another passenger. The elevator door opened and there he was — a guy dressed like he was on his way to play beach volleyball — but I knew better. It wasn't casual Friday; it was summertime, which meant ... casual Everyday.

 

He was dressed in flip-flops, a T-shirt adorned with a picture of a surfboard, baggy shorts and wrap-around shades. He was lookin' cool — for a picnic or a trip to the beach. I turned to him with a straight face and asked, "So, where's your parrot?" He smirked, mumbled something, got off part of the way down and headed for the Starbucks located in the building, obviously to meet other cool lookin' dudes for caramel macchiatos and to share tales of life in Margueritaville.

 

Ten years from now, that guy is going to be wondering why his career never took off. If I run into him then, my response will be the same as now, "Hello … it's an OFFICE!"

 

Shortly after this encounter, I mentioned it in passing to a senior leader at the company, who said, "I know. It's really gotten out-of-control. We need to tighten the standards in our dress code." My response was, "No you don't. You don't want to punish the many to control the few. You just need to enforce the code you have."

 

A while later, I was meeting with a prospective client, a middle manager and aspiring executive at a Fortune 500. He came to our initial "meet and greet" dressed in blue jeans, not fairly new blue jeans but rather "just having mowed the lawn" blue jeans, running shoes and a $10 collarless T-shirt. When I introduced myself, I shook his hand firmly. His grip was uncertain and droopy. During our discussion, his eyes never once met mine.

 

At the conclusion of our discussion, he inquired, "So Rand, based on initial impressions, can you recommend anything I might be able to do right now?" I said: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I can. Allow me to demonstrate my respect for your time and intelligence by being blunt. First, no more blue jeans. Dress like where you're going, not like where you've been. Second, when you're talking to someone, make consistent eye contact and third, your handshake grip ought to give the other party the impression that you're happy to see him, not that you're worried about catching his cold.”

 

We seem to have lost, or misplaced, the concept of appropriate business dress, along with the priority of at least a reasonable level of acceptable cleanliness and etiquette. If you are a leader, you have the obligation to demonstrate these priorities to those who are less well-groomed and the right to expect those who report to you to get their sartorial act together.

 

Some suggestions, with the help of business-etiquette consultant Ann Marie Sabath:

 

• For men, only three accessories (i.e., a watch, wedding ring and belt).

 

• For collared shirts, make sure they’re ironed.

 

• Sharp crease in pants.

 

• No shorts ever, under penalty of death.

 

• Pay particular attention to this one. The definition of business casual is "one step down from business normal," not "one step up from clam bake at Nags Head."

 

• Dress for the position you want, not the position you have.

 

• If you need help, talk to someone at about your salary level who is well-dressed and groomed. Some companies offer consultation in this area.

 

• If you wear blue jeans on Friday, no low riders. They should also be clean and relatively new; but no, they don't need to be pressed.

 

• For women, nothing too low cut, too tight or too short. Also, no really extravagant or "dangly" jewelry.

 

• No clothing, accessories or jewelry that graphically or vociferously expresses a political or religious point-of-view.

 

 Tough-Minded Leadership is an Inner Game

If you're going to create success, you have to be tough-minded.

 

My wife's cousin's daughter Ansley Cargill (I think that makes her my wife's first cousin once removed) was one great tennis player. Seven years ago as a freshman at Duke, she finished the year as the second-ranked NCAA player and a first-team all-American — very impressive. At the same time, she carried a very gaudy and equally impressive GPA (3.8, I think). After her freshman year, she left school to join the tour and confronted reality, head-on. Her ranking got into the 70s; she played in major tour events and even beat some very highly ranked players. (She played Venus a number of times including in the U.S. Open; that kept her humble).

 

When I watched Ansley play in college, she looked to me like a world beater; she just decimated people. I was convinced that many of her opponents were beaten before the first serve of their matches with her. When she turned pro (and getting to a ranking in the 70s says you are a P-L-A-Y-E-R), she faced people just as talented and well-prepared. It conjures up a scene from the movie The Natural. Roy Hobbs/Robert Redford had just struck out in his first major league at bat. The voice on the PA system said, "Welcome to the majors, Mr. Hobbs."

 

Ansley said that the difference in physical ability among the top 100 players, with only a few exceptions, was insignificant. The difference, she said, was in the ability of the great players — those consistently in the top 10 — to be totally "in the moment." They could shut out their last point after it was finished business and focus on each point, almost as if it was a mini-match of its own. No past, no future, right there, 100%.

 

Ansley left the tour, graduated from Duke and now works for Morgan Stanley.

 

Exceptional performers —real achievers — are tough-minded. I have another example, one that you'll recognize: Tiger Woods.

 

Let me share some things about Tiger you may not know. Golf coach Butch Harmon said that Tiger's father, Earl Woods, was the greatest golf coach – maybe sports coach – in history. Here's the thing: He wasn't really a golfer, at least not a great golfer, even by duffer standards.

 

Earl Woods was a veteran of the Green Berets. When Tiger was young, Earl created a multitude of experiential exercises to teach Tiger mental toughness. When Tiger was playing alone, Earl would drop clubs or cough to distract him. Tiger's first teachers taught him how to use mental rehearsal and imagery to build confidence. I'm talking here about coaching a kid at the age of ten. His mom taught him the concepts of Buddhism and meditation to help him create mental mastery.

 

The lesson is, the "inner game" is much more important than the outer game.

 

Tough-minded leaders have three attributes in common. They

• get real. They strive for objectivity. They distinguish facts, intuition, guesswork and wishful thinking. If you've read my previous articles, you know how difficult that is.

• get tough. They have the ability, inclination and discipline to face any

situation with strength, determination, resolve and equanimity. Discipline is the key word here. I define it as "doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, the way it needs to be done, every time." It presupposes delaying gratification and doing the tough work first. It requires focus, courage, resilience, persistence and endurance.

• get going. They understand that a good decision, violently executed today, is better than a perfect decision in six months.

 

We work with business-leaders who want to improve or better leverage their mental toughness. Call us if you're in that group and take your game up a notch … or two … or three! 

 

See you next month. Until then, get real; get tough; get going!